Where in the world is Christmas?

Alright, I seem to be developing a "seasonal" pattern here...first post near Halloween, next post the day before Thanksgiving and now, here comes Christmas....I wish this one would just slip by unnoticed.
After the Turkey Day Debaucle at the Haber Hill Kitten farm ( AKA my parent's house) I have been in a major slump. I even renewed my Zoloft last night because there is no way I am going to survive another holiday without being medicated. My family is crazy. My parent's have replaced their longing for grandchildren and close family with 11 cats...and there seems to be no room at
The Inn" when Mike and I visit. We seem to be in the way, too much trouble and it's all my fault...at least that's how I feel.
Had we not made the biggest mistake of our lives by selling our dream house in South Jersey, crazy family visits would be ended by a 5 minute drive home instead of a 2 1/2 hour trek up the NJ Turnpike, with a 100LB yellow lab and a 5 LB kitten in a crate.
I believe that awful decision to move back to North Jersey has alot to do with my infertility as well...when we first made the move to my home town , to be near family, we had this crazy 92 mile commute to our super stressful job and threw in working night shift to make it more "fun".
All this stress lead to not going to the OB/GYN when I was not PG after 1 and 1/2 years off BCPs. My cycles became wacky and irregular, and I just blamed night shift...I wasn't sleeping or eating well at that time and had gained a bunch of weight. By the time I finally got up the courage to see my North Jersey OB/GYN ( of 15 years!) , it was too late. He did a simple test to check my FSH ( follicle stimulating Hormone) and found it to be sky high. He said, Oh well...there's nothing I can do for you. Have a nice Day.
Are you FVcking kidding me....39 and INfertile....I ask myself all the time...how could I let this happen? How could HE let this happen? He knew me for 15 years, knew my ovarian cyst history...knew my endo history. For God's sake he operated on me! Never ONCE did he tell me that I was going to have a problem because of my endo, or my age. He KNEW I was marrying Mike ( who is 8 years younger than me!) at 39 years old. How come no one ever told me I should get a baseline FSH level drawn? It's a stinking blood test that costs about $150. I have insurance. I go to the doctor for my 6 month check ups. Why didn't anyone tell me ?!
But instead, my doctor, who I trusted for 15 years, blew constant sunshine up my ass... "you'll have no trouble getting pregnant...I have PG patients in their 40's all the time" I even thought he was a infertility expert" all these years , so I never worried. I just trusted. And I got SCREWED.
Now you are up to speed on how I got here in the first place. After 4+ years and 5 RE's ( Reproductive Endocrinologists) I am still not PG. And my family is still crazy.
So I am blogging today, as I await blood test results...from yesterday that did not get run. Infertitiy is stressful enough with out all the crap that goes with treatment.