"when you're broken in a million pieces and you're trying but you can't hold on anymore...Every tear falls down for a reason. Don't you stop believing in yourself.Little girl don't be so blue, I know what you're going thru. Don't let it beat you up. Heaven knows that getting scars only makes you who you are . No matter how much your heart is aching, there is beauty in the breaking...." ~~~~Lindsey Haun ( from the soundtrack of "Broken Bridges", starring Toby Keith and Kelly Preston).

I am strong. But not strong enough to make this baby thing work out for us. We have been at this for 4 years now and it seems that with each day that passes, we lose more hope, more eggs, more precious time. When did I become of "advanced maternal age"?I am still 20 years old, running around Philadelphia, on the campus of St. Joseph's University, trying NOT to get pregnant....at least I am in my mind.
Back in those days, life was much different. I was pretty, skinny and smart. I spent my free time drinking beer, eating Philly Cheesesteaks, shopping, dating, and mostly hanging out at 23 East on The Main Line, slobbering over local rock band star Tommy Conwell and his roadies. ( My DH will have to forgive me here as I digress! He does know about my "band crush" in the 80's!) Last week, I uploaded an old video of Tommy rocking out at The Chestnut Street Caberet, to my iPod, and thought..."in 1985, no one had even thought of an iPod", or a cell phone, or even the Internet, at least not as we know them today. And I certainly NEVER thought of infertility...in fact, I was more concerned with "fertility" and TRYING to be "infertile" with the help of Loestrin28.
But those days have sped by so fast, 23 years worth of them, actually, and , guess what...now I actually AM infertile! WooHoo! Mission Accompished. Too bad I am 23 years too late, and still, I keep trying.