Happy Thanksgiving...or whatever

I have the Turkey Blues....everyone , it seems has babies to babble about, new things going on in their homes, lots of Halloween pics to share ...and we are stuck schleping down 2 1/2 hours to the crazy Kitten farm my parent's are running out of their back yard, dragging our poor aging yellow lab and our tiny kitten with us. Our dog, who I really feel like is my child, is getting ready to cross to the Rainbow Bridge soon, it seems..and I am beside myself with grief. Just when I need the most comfort, the most comforting creature ever is about to leave me. I can't bear to see him suffer, yet I can't bear to let him go.....Back in September, he bit me, out of pain and confusion, in his 13 year old muddled brain, and I had a severed nerve in my right hand and damage to my tendon , as well. Not good news for the Right handed, health car/crafty/ do it yourselfer that I am.
Devastating, actually....then I had surgery....which has accounted for the weeks of no blog entries. I could type after my cast came off, but I had nothing to say. Hurting my back in September, the having the "dog accident" really made me take a TTC break, which I probably needed, anyway. So after 3 weeks of back therapy, stitches in my hand, antibiotics and Percocet..and a nerve transfer, who can blame me for being cranky? What I had to say, no one really wanted to hear anyway. Really. Who wants to listen to a psycho baby crazed cripple bitch about all the crap she's going thru.
Really. NOBODY wants to hear it, most especially my family and friends. AND that, dear bloggers, is something I have not figured out how to swallow. Hence, my Turkey Blues. Nothing good to say, so say nothing. Or be sarcastic, which is inherently more fun, anyway.
During my "break" I tried to de-stress, work less and eat better, tried to take my vitamins, and my walk each day, cut back on the Java habit, and pray more and eat less.
Still not pregnant. Still fat. Still Stressed. Oh ,Shit! And working, less, means not so rich anymore, either. But the good news is ...wait a minute...I'll think of something...I'll have to get back to you on that....

"when you're broken in a million pieces and you're trying but you can't hold on anymore...Every tear falls down for a reason. Don't you stop believing in yourself.Little girl don't be so blue, I know what you're going thru. Don't let it beat you up. Heaven knows that getting scars only makes you who you are . No matter how much your heart is aching, there is beauty in the breaking...." ~~~~Lindsey Haun ( from the soundtrack of "Broken Bridges", starring Toby Keith and Kelly Preston).

I am strong. But not strong enough to make this baby thing work out for us. We have been at this for 4 years now and it seems that with each day that passes, we lose more hope, more eggs, more precious time. When did I become of "advanced maternal age"?I am still 20 years old, running around Philadelphia, on the campus of St. Joseph's University, trying NOT to get pregnant....at least I am in my mind.
Back in those days, life was much different. I was pretty, skinny and smart. I spent my free time drinking beer, eating Philly Cheesesteaks, shopping, dating, and mostly hanging out at 23 East on The Main Line, slobbering over local rock band star Tommy Conwell and his roadies. ( My DH will have to forgive me here as I digress! He does know about my "band crush" in the 80's!) Last week, I uploaded an old video of Tommy rocking out at The Chestnut Street Caberet, to my iPod, and thought..."in 1985, no one had even thought of an iPod", or a cell phone, or even the Internet, at least not as we know them today. And I certainly NEVER thought of infertility...in fact, I was more concerned with "fertility" and TRYING to be "infertile" with the help of Loestrin28.
But those days have sped by so fast, 23 years worth of them, actually, and , guess what...now I actually AM infertile! WooHoo! Mission Accompished. Too bad I am 23 years too late, and still, I keep trying.